Friday, August 21, 2009

Not Just Newlyweds

Do you know what phrase I absolutely hate?
The words I detest when spoken to me?

"Awww... y'all are just newlyweds"

Important to note: We live in Texas, so this phrase is always delivered with the "awww... y'all" beginning as notated above.

My husband and I are big on romance. He is a sweetheart of a guy who has no qualms at all about showing affection in public. We end every phone call with an "I love you" and a smooched "MUAH!". Yes, he does too, it isn't just on my end.

He tells me he misses me several times throughout the day when we are apart. I miss him terribly too, sometimes with a physical ache at being apart.

Mike gives the greatest hugs in the world, the kind that wrapped you up and insulate you away from the bad crap that the world is throwing at you. The kind that sooth your pain and make the whole world better because he is going to keep you safe in that hug.

We fall asleep every night wrapped up in each other's arms. We are snugglers.

We don't travel alone, we do it all together.

In 4 years of marriage, and a total of 6 years together, we have never, not ONCE, spent a night apart. I don't want to fall asleep without Mike there, holding me.

Does all this sound like a fairytale out of a book? Maybe. But it isn't. This is our marriage.

Mike and I have an all-encompassing love for each other. Since we first got together, our lives have been about our marriage. We are all we've got, we are all we need, we are all we want. We have OUR friends, not his friends and my friends.

This brings me to my point. Those that look at our marriage, look at our love for each other, and tell me that it is just because we are newlyweds. Just because we haven't been together for a thousand years, doesn't mean that what we have isn't real.

This isn't fake dating romance, people, this is true love. This is devotion to your spouse and consciously making sure that the romance is present. This is marriage, at its finest.

If Mike and I were an elderly couple, married for 50 years, people would look at us, see our behavior, and talk about how amazing it is that we love each other that much, that we are still that in love with each other. Why is it any less because we have been married a shorter amount of time?

The answer: it isn't. So do me a favor, and please don't belittle our love by implying that it is somehow going to go away the longer we are married. We are in this for a lifetime, and a lifetime from now, I will still be telling my husband that I love him before I hang up the phone each time. A lifetime from now, I will still want him next to me at the end of every day. A lifetime from now, we will still be newlyweds.

This is not some passing phase, this is love.

Oh, and don't even get me started on the ones that say "just wait until y'all have kids".


  1. funny thing is, i can see God there holding us in His arms, walking with us side by side and telling us through His Word how much He loves us. why doesn't anyone tell Him its just like being a newlywed. Because it isn't. Love grows. I have been married 19 1/2 years. My wife is more attractive, more loving and more of a necessity then she ever was back then. I dont want to be like a newlywed. the growing pains, the adjustments to family, and yes the kids. All the pains and ills we have gone through puts us right where Mike and Jenn are. Content to live the rest of our lives together. Good observations Jenn. But remember, kids bind us closer, if they dont, dont blame the kids, the problem was always there before.

  2. You will always be in love but the type of love will vary and change over time, it's a scientific proven fact. The loved up feeling you feel during your first few years together will not last your entire time together, there will be a variant of it but it won't be the same love, chemically it can't be.

    BikerMan and I have been together for 10 years and married for 9 and our love for each other is the same as you describe yours but I can tell you 100% that it's not the same love we had during our first few years together but that doesn't mean we're any less in love or that our marriage is any different to yours.

    True love is hard to find, soulmates even harder, you sound like you believe you've found both and that is absolutely fantastic! I know I've found mine but along with that knowledge I realise that over time our love with go through different phases but it will always remain just in different forms.


  3. Preach it girl! My hubby and I have been together 17 years and have been married nearly 15. While his career has forced us to spend nights apart (emergency services work is like that), we are like y'all in many other ways. I imagine we will still be so lovey dovey in another 20+ years.

  4. My Beloved and I have only been married for 2 years and we still get that 'newlyweds' thing all the time. We are rarely apart for longer than a work day, but the few times that we have had to be apart for a night have been brutal. Our relationship started as a long distance one and we quickly came to cherish each moment we spend together.

    Cherish each other... and don't let anyone make you feel foolish for being so in love!


  5. Y'all can just take a hike and leave this lovely lady alone!

    Hope they get the message!


  6. That's sweet! Sometimes I, we, need a break, but love each other no less.

    I hope you have 50+ years of sleeping next to each other. I love being in my SO's arms as well. :-)

  7. I want to thank each of you for your sweet comments. It did my heart good to know that there are other couples out there that feel the same way, and that understand what I was trying to say.

  8. What drives me the most crazy when other people comment about my marriage is their just absolute lack of sense. I've lost count the number of people who tell us our infertility will ruin our marriage and that we'll end up getting divorced because Billy Bob and Donna Sue all did.
    I respond that Husband and I feel that if this is the worst we have to deal with, well then we'll be just fine thankyouverymuch.
    And as a fellow southerner myself... I just wanna say "oh bless your little heart, aren't you just the most unfortunate looking person i've seen in awhile. see y'all later" (because also when you insult people prefacing it with bless you heart negates it dontchaknow)



  9. People who say those things don't understand. They figure that because their love was shallow and withered away it means yours will too. Its kinda like that saying, "misery loves company." The things you experience together will only make your love stronger, not weaker. My husband and I still always greet each other, say good night and goodbye, and start our days with a kiss and an "I love you." Its about what you do to keep the romance alive and well, and it sounds like you are doing it.