Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Carnival Chaos

My dad arrives tonight, and I am a bundle of nerves. My stomach is in knots, and I am at my most scatter-brained.

I took a sleeping pill last night to help me get to sleep, because I know my mind, and there is no way it was going to let me fall asleep unaided. The inside of my mind, at times, resembles a state fair, with all the people milling about, and the rides, and the noises. Actually, it may be more along the lines of a good old-fashioned carnival with the ticket sellers barking out their lines to get you to "come over here and look at the bearded lady" or "cricket man is alive!". So what I am saying is that sometimes, I can't shut the carnival down for the night. It is determined to make itself an all night event, with the wheels turning and the people milling and the barkers barking. This is where the occasional sleeping pill comes in very handy. I won't say that it shuts down the carnival, but what it DOES do is allow me to sleep even with the ruckus of the carnival in full force.

The downside is that the next day, it takes me almost half the day to get up and running without feeling like my best course of action would be to go over there in that corner and lay down on the carpet and rest my eyes for a few minutes. I am a groggy mess this morning, with the only positive side effect being that the grogginess drowns out some of the carnival music. It is a lovely haze at times.

I know that Mike is nervous too. He has only met my father once, in that ICU room, and that was five years ago. But what I am eternally grateful for is that my husband is the one person in this world that can smile at me and tell me that tonight is going to be okay, that we are going to have fun, and I believe him.

This, I believe, is the real power of love. That special someone, that love of your life, is the person that has the power to do what nobody else can. They can smile at you, and tell you that they understand, that they are there for you, and that everything is going to be okay, and you believe them. Or even if you don't believe that the situation will get better, you DO believe that you can make it through as long as they are with you.

As long as he is with me...

1 comment:

  1. Oh, honey. I'm in EXACTLY the same boat, as far as the whole "brain won't let you sleep" thing. It's so HARD, too, when your body is so exhausted you'd expect to be able to fall asleep instantly, but somehow, you just plain can't. I went through that on Sunday night, and only managed about two hours of sleep.

    And oh, I hate sleeping pill hangovers so very badly, that I'm never quite sure whether taking them is even worth it. Either way, you just feel like hell the next day.

    It's so great that you have Mike there beside you. I love seeing how wonderful your relationship together is, and I'm so happy for the two of you.

    I'll keep my fingers crossed that tonight goes wonderfully for you, and that your relationship becomes awesome enough to make it 100% worth all of the worrying and anxiety beforehand. XOXO