A Sense of Belonging

Making new friends has never been easy for me. As the child of an Army man, we moved all the time, and starting your circle of friends over was a fact of life, but that doesn't mean I ever got used to it. I always hated the feeling of walking into a new classroom, with the groups of kids that all seemed to know each other, all seemed to have their inside jokes and little giggly secrets that I wouldn't be a part of. The intellectual in me KNEW that these kids moved a lot too, and that these friendships weren't that steadfast, and that I would be included in one of those groups eventually.

I still never forget that first minute of walking into that classroom.

The first Sunday my family would visit the new church. All the families that looked so happy and settled, our walking down the aisle to always, ALWAYS sit in the second pew back (My dad's joking comment on this: "No matter what church we go to, I always sit in this pew so that God can find me"). The awkwardness, the insecurity, the feeling of isolation.

Moving here, to this town that Mike grew up in, had a lot of that for me. There were a few moments of insecurity for me. For the first time in my life, I not only was the new kid in town, but I was the new kid in a town of kids that had lived there their whole lives. I was truly an outsider, at least at first. I felt like I belonged with Mike, I felt like I belonged in his family, but at first, I didn't feel like I was part of this town.

A lot has changed since those first months here. Somewhere along the way, I developed ties to the town we live in. I find myself smiling at Vern walking down the street (another story). I find myself caring about the town, and its economy, and its people. I find myself becoming involved in a church. I find myself feeling at home.

While this makes me happy, there is a little part of me, deep inside that is scared by this feeling. Emotional ties were a dangerous thing in the life of an Army brat. I learned as a child to never really allow myself to become too attached to anything, because my whole world would change in a few years. This is a defense mechanism that I had to learn to let go. I had to learn that it's okay to put down roots, it is a good thing, there are many blessings, many benefits, from allowing yourself to belong.

I have always felt I belonged with Mike.
I have always felt I belonged in his family.
I now feel that I belong here, in this town, in this state.

I belong.